I was sick, neglected, & abused as a child, but through God’s Grace I overcame & He used my life in mighty ways

** No reprinting of this article without permission

written by Joanna for Life Defenders

Isaiah 40:31

but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint.

I was born with a rare auto-immune disease called Neonatal Lupus of which I was officially diagnosed with at a world renowned hospital when I was three. 

To say my upbringing was unstable would be an understatement. I was raised by a sociopathic mother and narcissistic father who both neglected and abused me.

I am #4 of 7 kids, but because of my health challenges and likeable nature I was singled out to experience more aggressive abuse. My mom resented - maybe even hated - the attention that I was getting and wasn’t shy about showing it. 

My mother tried  to end my life many times as early as a newborn.

I was always told that I was lucky that they did not believe in abortion or I would of sure been aborted; many times this was literally screamed and beaten into me.

 “Just be lucky we did not abort you .” 

“You should be thankful you were not aborted.”

Darkness hates the light, but God was always with me. My family shared God with others and kept up appearances, but behind closed doors they weren’t as they appeared. Everything was in the name of the Lord as long as it benefited their agenda. My parents had leadership roles in our local church and we appeared to be the perfect family - but were far from that image. 

As the neglect and abuse continued, my auto-immune disease rapidly progressed. My parents denied me medical attention until I was 14. My best friend’s mom was starting to really see how drastically sick I was, so she took me to a good Naturopath doctor who God placed in my life to help save it.

 I was engulfed in such a dark , Sociopathic,  Narcissistic world.  My self esteem was choked by being told I was a waste of air & God’s loving Grace; that everyone in my family would be going to Heaven but me; etc.

In spite of not having any type of guidance and made to feel worthless on a daily basis, I gave my life to Jesus when I was just 6 years old.  I chose to be a voice for the voiceless,  caring for those who were in need.

Life was so scared to me; a gift : a blessing. I took in many abandoned and abused animals and gave them love and a home. I continued walking with God , I was the main babysitter in our entire church and was heavily involved in various ministries such as Sunday School, Food Bank, etc. In my early years till my 20’s my Oma and I would “Walk For Life” to  raise money for our local crisis pregnancy center. I had both the honour and privilege of lovingly counselling young women to not abort as well. 

In every way I did not have a sense of belonging, I worked hard to make sure that others felt loved, cared for, and included. 

His never failing love followed me wherever I went. His Word was my refuge from the rotting evil world I lived in created by my parents.

As the seasons passed, I painstakingly worked 3 jobs, help raise my 2 younger siblings and cared for my mom and her house.

All of  this while being incredibly ill. 

Finally, my health hit a point of breakdown, I was dying, I had many near-death experiences in my life but there was no denying if something did not change I would surely not make it.

It was around this time that the Lord brought an amazing young man named Ryan. After a year of courting , we were married. He married me full well knowing my health status and the uncertainty that came with it - including not being able to have children. I had saved myself for him in all those years of darkness and he is the air to my breath ; our hearts beat in unison. 

About a month after we were married, we found out we were pregnant.

YES! PREGNANT! 

It was both a blessing and hardship as my body was not well and in great pain. The pregnancy was taxing and scary as my body kept trying to reject my baby . I would inject myself with a drug from my OBGYN to keep baby boy in there safe.

But with God’s Grace our first child was born in June  2005, He is such a blessing and light to us. 

The 4 years to follow his birth were a blur. At the time I was still co -dependent on my abusive family and still needed so much more healing in my life. In addition to that,  I also miscarried 6 beautiful angel babies in those hard numb years of survival and not knowing why. I was always blamed for everything that went wrong growing up, so I blamed myself for my babies dying.

Then came our rainbow. Like with our other children, this was another hard pregnancy as -again- my body wanted to reject him.I was still not well andq my health care professionals at the time (if you can even call them that) , instructed me to get an ABORTION. They told me that I would die if I did not and if by some strange chance he lived he would be deformed and sickly . 

We did not heed their advice but we still how overwhelming and frightening it is to be so sick and then told that if you don’t end your child’s life that you could lose your own. 

My husband and I made the decision to keep our child.  I remember talking to our sweet boy in my womb  and telling him that he was safe; that I would -  if needed - give my life for him; thatI loved him so much and we would fight for him together with God in His infinite power and with His amazing Grace that  held us.

In December  2008 my amazing son was born. We had both survived to be a living testament to His sustaining power. My upbringing may have been a tragic mess, but it helped build a solid foundational root system for such a time as this.

After he was born it was discovered that he had contracted an antibody from my blood and it had started killing off his good while blood cells. This is called Rhesus Factor. Just before he was to be air lifted to a children’s hospital for a full blood transfusion .

God granted us an amazing miracle. After days of monitoring him , all his tests results came back clear!!!! Our baby boy was going to be alright !!!

It was not until we had our first-born daughter that we found out that I had Sjolgrens Syndrome and Antiphospholipid Syndrome, which is what was causing all those horrific miscarriages. We further went on to find out I had other auto immune diseases along with  Endometriosis & Fibromyalgia.

I will conclude to say that I am the daughter of the most High King  ; a Warrioress in my own right. I am a living and breathing testimony of His awesome and mighty power that can shape an unguided life that is submitted to His will. 

God chose me to go through all that I went through to become this strong woman I am today!!! I forgave my abusers because forgiveness frees us from the chains of our past. It doesn’t mean what they did is now acceptable; it just means they no longer have control over my life. - God does! 

Was it easy ? No. But it was worth it.

I am Free , I AM FREE in Christ who strengthens me .

Throughout it all I stayed and pure in God. I look back now and see how easy it would have been for me to partake in some temporary relief but I did  not. I may not of been loved or wanted by my biological parents, but God wanted me so much that He planned out my life when He created the world. 

People may say that abortion is compassionate for people like me, but I am here to say that I love my life. We can overcome our circumstances if given the chance to do so. Don’t kill us; instead find a way to help us. Our lives are worth so much more than some straw-man solution to our circumstances. 

I am now that mother to my children that I wish I had growing up. I broke the generational ties of abuse connected to my family by making conscious decision and effort to do so. 

It’s so easy to carry on the same destructive path that has been beaten down for so many years. It’s up to us to be trailblazers and create a path that leads to fruitfulness. 

I would not be here today without God I will sing His praises until the end of my days !

               Psalm 139                

1You have searched me, Lord,

and you know me.

2You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

4Before a word is on my tongue

you, Lord, know it completely.

5You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

7Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

12even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

13For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

17How precious to me are your thoughts,^a God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you.

19If only you, God, would slay the wicked!

Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

20They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

21Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,

and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

22I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

23Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

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