I DIED TWICE to save my children and have NO REGRETS —by Haley Rodriguez

                Written by Haley Rodriguez

I died. Twice.

Do I have your attention now? Good, this may be a tad long, bare with me. 

I went in to have my second daughter on July 30th, 2013 after my water started to trickle and I had steady contractions for over 4 hours. Upon arriving to the hospital before having her I was told that I was, in fact , leaking and wouldn't be leaving without a baby. I was super excited to finally have her in my arms. My doctor checked in on me and was rushing me to " finish breaking my waters " so he could do a surgery upstairs — I declined since my husband wasn't there yet. 

After my husband finally arrived, we proceed with the breaking of my water. When the doctor did it, he did it roughly to the point it hurt ( breaking my water with my first born never hurt). 

From that point on, it was legit living nightmare. At the time I wasn't sure what was happening, but my room filled with my doctor and nurses. I was turned on my side, then onto my hands and knees. The nurses messed and fidgeted with my monitors on my belly, and when I finally pleased to know what was happening , the nurse quietly says " We've lost the babies heart beat. " 

As she said those words, the doctor chillingly screamed, “Prep OR now!!”.

I was prepped for a emergency c-section as we were rushing down the halls. I was a ball of fear. I didn't want to have a c-section. I was terrified. I felt like a failure and I was terrified about what was happening to my daughter. When we got into the OR,  the doctors immediately started the surgery.

Through all of the commotion I finally heard the sweet and longed-for sound of her cry and thought, “I’ve done what I needed to do. She’s here. She is safe. I can die now. As my husband tried to talk to me, I fell asleep. I woke up a while later in post-op, where I was finally able to hold my daughter for the first time — which is when I noticed I was numb all the way to my collar bone . 

I tried telling the nurse, who kept saying " its normal "  — when I know in fact, it isn't. After I mentioned it a few times, the nurse lifted my blanket and looked. Her face went blank — and next thing I know— the room was filled. 

Again. 

My daughter was taken from me, and given to her father and they were pushed off in a corner. 

I had been passing blood.

All of my blood

I lost all of it.

I was passing clots bigger than a grapefruit and the next  5 hours were about to be the worst of my life.

The staff started a uterine massage, despite the name, it wasn't lovely. In fact, it was excruciatingly painful. They were punching my stomach where I had been cut and sewed together not even 1 hour before. 

At this point, the pain was so bad I yelled at the top of my lungs, “Stop it” , and the nurse replied " Sorry hunny, if I do, you die. " and she continued. I ( at the time thought I was fainting when I was indeed dying. )

Then I was gone. I was in a big open space, that was very bright. I sat there on what looked like a park bench. In peace. No pain. The happiest and calmest Id ever been.

Then — suddenly — I was gasping for air, confused, and felt immense pain EVERYWHERE. It took all my effort to roll my head to the left and look to see why my hand hurt. That’s where I saw 2 nurses, kneeled down, blowing every single vein in my hand attempting to get another line going so they could get a blood transfusion going.. Just like that, I was out again. I ended up in the same place, just as happy and pain free. This happened, for the next 5 hours. 

The last time, I was there and I made up my mind " This is IT. I'm staying here. Im not going back. Im happy. " 

As I said this, to my left a shadow that looked like a huge crowd, appeared. In the front, was a very tall, single shadow. He spoke in another language,but yet, I understood him. 

He told me " This isn't your time, you need to go back. “, where I said " No”.

This happened for awhile, to the point I crossed my arms and said " NO. I'm staying here. You CAN'T make me leave. " 

Just like that, I was back. I was laying on the table as I heard the doctor call the T.O.D and telling my husbamd, “ We’re sorry. We’ve done everything we could. She’s gone,”

I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. All I could do was blink.. I stared at my husband and he points out to the doctor my eyes were open. 

The doctor told him that " It's a natural reflux after death. " , and tried closing my eyes. 

When he realized I was alive he was in shock. I laid there with 5 heated blankets on me, as I shook so hard I was convulsing. I was puking everywhere. I literally , felt like death.

The doctors, then told my husband that when they called T.O.D I hadn't been breathing and had no heart beat for 7 minutes , which meant I was officially brain. I would be a vegetable. 

To everyone’s shock, I WALKED out of that hospital a few weeks later; however, on my 1st week anniversary of being home, I woke up at 3am in terrible pain. I woke my husband up, got a pain pill , and went pee as he fell back to sleep. 

I peed, but I wasn't feeling the best so I sat there a second. When I heard what was that of me peeing. I sat there thinking " Whoa, I didn't feel like I had to pee again.. glad I stayed here ". 

After what felt like the longest pee EVER.. I looked down.. it was happening again.

I was bleeding out. AT HOME!

That was it. I knew I was going to die. My husband is a hard sleeper, and I didn't want to scream and my 3 year old walk in.. I’m holding myself up on the walls and its looking like a murder scene in there.. and by the grace of GOD my husband walks in.... The paramedics didn't think it was THAT serious , so when they arrived, they asked me to put pants on and meet them down stairs in my living room.

So . . . I did. . . 

From my bathroom, to the bottom step.. I bled past my ankles. I was taken in immediately by ambulance. The ER doctor was going to send me home, since while I was laying down the bleeding slowed. ( Side note here with some common sense.. theres a thing called gravity. ) He says 
" We see  going to have you walk the hall then send you home. " 

I didn't make it a few steps out of my room before I fainted. I woke up — admitted again— where I was told I had underwent MANY surgeries before and they were about to do them all again. 

Another blood transfusion  and 4 surgeries later.. there I was. Alive. Again, against all odds alive and not a vegetable 

I bled for 7 months straight after that. I was told I would need a hysterectomy and I would never ever be able to have kids again. As I dealt with the severe depression, PTSD, and a slew of other things I decided to have the surgery as my daughter was now 7 months at this point.

I went in for the surgery and while performing the routine pre-op tests, we discovered that I was pregnant. 

I thought it was a disgusting joke, so the nurse did another test, looked at me and said: “Mija, GOd gave you this baby,” 

From there, I was told it'd be a miscarriage as I was unable to have a child and still had a hole in my uterus. When I hit the 2nd Trimester, I was urged by 7 doctors to terminate the pregnancy for my safety. I was told that I wouldn’t be so lucky this time. I was told it was a death sentence. 

I refused. 

My thought process was and is, if the LORD saved me to have this child, then so be it. If that's my life purpose, I’m at peace with that. 

I signed a billion forms stating I knew the risk and wouldn't sue. Jeremiah is now 4 years old. I have since dealt with multiple abdominal surgeries, cancer, seizures, short term and long term memory loss, a brain tumour and  aneurysm. BUT I'm still here. I’m healthy (for the most part). I may be slower than a turtle at times, and a memory worse than Dory.. but im here. 

My faith in the Lord and my love for my family is stronger than ever . I take each day as a blessing. You can't stop something from happening, and you can't alter the outcome. It's going to happen ; it's how you deal with it. 

Remember, you're here for a reason. You are stronger than you know. You can move mountains. 

- " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." - Jeremiah 29